Let Them Think It...

How shrinking to be perceived as “real” keeps us from being ourselves.

Oct 13, 2025

Happy Monday Everyone!

During this mornings journaling session, I was reflecting on behaviors I’m noticing in the digital space and wanted to share my data findings with you all.

Buckle up!

So, let me tell you what I’m noticing in these digital streets…I chuckle every time I say “these streets”… I just love us millennials.

Ok, anyways…Even in writing communities—Substack, educational platforms, therapist feeds, reflection spaces—we’re still dancing around the same thing: the fear of being FULLY and utterly our authentic self.

We tiptoe.

We rewrite.

We second-guess.

We perform.

All while claiming we’re being “real.”

“I Wanted to Use an Em Dash—But AI Ruined It”

I read a post the other day from a writer saying, “I really wanted to use an em dash here, but AI ruined it.” All I could think of was… “This sounds way too familiar to my clinical work.” But not too many seconds after that thought, I replied— out loud I might add… “Girl— use the bloody em Dash!”

AI didn’t ruin it. You did.

You chose to abandon your own rhythm, your own cadence, your own flavor—because of what you THINK someone might say to themselves in a private conversation about your writing.

LET THEM… (isn’t that what Mel Robbins says?)

Can we call this what it is: people-pleasing.

Today, we care more about being perceived as “authentic” than actually being authentic. We care more about avoiding being misunderstood than standing in our own voice. We take out that invisible ink and conjure up an unconscious contract: “Please don’t think I used ChatGPT” written in fine print. Then, we project that outwards, assuming they will— leading ourselves to the behaviors of shrinking our authenticity. The result—not using em dashes when you really want to.

May I ask, who are the judges? Who grades this? Who made the rules?

Let Them Think It

Listen. If someone thinks I wrote something with AI.

So. Be. It.

Sure, I’d be a little insulted seeing as I put my all into this work. It takes me Too. Damn. Long to write these articles. I am still finding my balance with it all. But, why would I change MY behavior because someone else chose to exercise their distortional process of assuming?

Assuming is a cognitive distortion often rooted in emotional reasoning, where individuals treat subjective feelings as factual evidence—skipping reality testing and reinforcing confirmation bias. This distortion fuels relational misattunement and amplifies reactivity, especially under stress.
📚 Beck, A.T., Freeman, A., & Davis, D.D. (2004). Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders. Guilford Press.📚 Burns, D. (1989). The Feeling Good Handbook. Plume Books.

This is how I see it from over here— my perspective.

I mean…Bloody hell, I have this clinical mind I am inside of all day. It’s like The Truman Show up in here, except I’m the star and the MC, or the voice or I should say, voices that narrate my own life in real time are a mash up between Morgan Freeman & Emma Thompsons voice. It’s a hoot up here.

Anywho.

I dive deep—too deep maybe—into the patterns, the journals, the voice notes, the video reflections. And it’s through that mess, that archive, that I’ve come to a conclusion: There are people picking up what I’m putting down. They understand this.

They understand—Me.

My face expression when someone DM’s me “Thank you, I needed this”

Since March, being online has been one long, vulnerable, unfiltered exposure therapy experiment for myself.

I’m learning… I actually like writing and creating educational content in the exact way I conduct my therapy sessions. My way—Just by being myself. Obviously in professional capacities, there are ethical and legal parameters that are taken into consideration, but the fact I even have to note that shows the lack of common sense.

The Dash Wars and the Academic Ghost in My Head

I put dashes wherever I want. I chop up my paragraphs.

I add space. I breathe into my writing. That’s how I metabolize thought.

But I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel the ghost of my college self hovering sometimes.

She was rigid.

She followed the APA 6th edition like scripture.

She edited her authenticity into oblivion because she believed the lie:

“I’m only good enough if I have the credentials. The language. The references. The letters after my name.”

That’s how my imprint shows up.

And I caught myself recently, reading back a heavily researched piece I wrote, and I’m sitting there like “Ugh. This sounds… too clinical or academic-y.”

I say that with love—but also with honesty.

I enjoy writing this way don’t get me wrong, but the feelings it provokes within me however feel stale, hospital facility vibe and that’s something I try to steer clear from in my clinical practice.

Safety is utmost priority for my clinical work, I can only teach and educate clients about safety if I embody it. That means, even when clients try to test, or even outsource the work, or challenge their therapist— it’s important to have modeling skills. Everything can be a teachable moment—if you are tuned in. That rings true even for our own interpersonal and interoceptive work.

I have to be me— and being me starts with my attire. I usually always have a pair of vans on. It’s what my clients and I joke is “my signature look.” I feel professional and comfortable which allows me to tap into the frequency of “That Therapist.” That’s just how it is for me. When I embody safety within myself, I remain unfazed by the events around me and see them as tests to my reactivity training. I develop in confidence what suppressing or shrinking took away. The more I practice cultivating safety within myself with my clients, the more their nervous systems learn to soften just enough to taste what this frequency has to offer. I know I speak in energetic frequencies and that may not resonate for many of you. I want you to find verbiage that clicks for your brain, then plug that in.

If I allow the part of my inner child that is obsessed with making sure I please everyone, get in the drivers seat. I would be burnt out and stagnant. I would have never received my masters, pursued post-grad work and started this venture online. Being online publicly— the way I am on social media— was not in the cards for me. I laugh though, because I said the same thing about dating a military man—now look at me. Haha!

Life, is funny that way. I get to spend my time writing on a Monday morning. It’s raining here in El Paso, Texas and I live on the the mountain side—so the experience feels even more magical. Instead of enjoying this, I sit her writing and notice the tension in my body because I’m looking at the time and it’s almost 11am. I started too late. I was too lazy. I need to be better—do better.” You know, that familiar ra ra chatter in the mind, that silently steals your attention from the present moment. My body is vibrating in a tense hum that makes me feel almost nauseous. I keep writing through the feeling just noticing it. Staying locked in keeps me in my training practice. To not allow the fight club members of the nervous system— the 4 core survival responses to take over.

For those of you that missed my note earlier this week introducing the four core main survival responses— here is their grand introduction below:

🦖 Flighty Fiona

•Species: Avoidance Maximus

•Behavior: Runs — mentally, emotionally, physically. Scrolls, distracts, ghosts.

•Mission: If you’re gone, you can’t be hurt.

•Wrangling Tip: Anchor to the present. Name 3 things you see, 2 you touch, 1 you hear. Fiona hates mindfulness. Use it!

🐊 Freeze-asaurus Rex

Species: Dorsal Vagus Shutdownicus

Behavior: Goes offline. Brain fog. Disassociates. Feels “stuck.”

Mission: Play dead. Maybe the danger will pass.

Wrangling Tip: Movement is medicine. Wiggle your toes, sip cold water, sway side to side. Show Rex the coast is clear.

🦕 Fight Club Frank

Species: Sympathetic Nervous Systemus Aggressivus

Behavior: Puffs up, raises voice, interrupts, defends, debates.

Mission: Eliminate the threat before the threat eliminates you.

Wrangling Tip: Don’t fight Frank with logic. Breathe slower than your panic wants to. He respects a confident leader.

🐑 Fawn-asaurus Flex

Species: Appeasement Adaptivus

Behavior: Over-apologizes, over-explains, morphs into who they need you to be.

Mission: Stay loved. Stay safe. Don’t rock the boat.

Wrangling Tip: Whisper: “I’m allowed to disappoint people.” Flex will snort and stomp, but eventually, they’ll sit down.

Here is a nugget to keep in your pocket: your raptors aren’t enemies. They’re ancient bodyguards trying their best with outdated maps. The more fluently you speak their language, the less they run your life.

I want ya’ll to imagine yourself as the nervous system wrangler. That’s how I feel for my clients, but I want many of you to learn how to do it for yourself. Can you notice which of the 4 core nervous system survival responses you tend to gear to? What environments do those behaviors tend to show up in? Can you tap into the emotional frequency— which is essentially the emotional state you are in, when these survival responses kick in?

This. Is. The. Work.

Let Them Perceive You

This whole AI paranoia wave? The “I don’t want to use em dashes because people might think it’s ChatGPT” energy?

Let them think it.

Let them perceive you.

Let them whisper.

I’m not here to sprinkle extra jargon or delete part of my style just to avoid being misunderstood. I can’t make policing that a full time job for myself. Some people are going to be committed to misunderstanding you.

We have tools now.

And when used with discernment, AI can be powerful.

Discernment is the difference between support and substitution.

When I refer clients to use ChatGPT, I don’t tell them to copy and paste. I tell them:

“Feed it your data. Let it reflect back options. Then write your response—in your own voice.”

Because what I’m really trying to teach is presence-based authorship. Many of us, when emotionally flooded, can’t grasp a single feeling let alone articulate a sentence in the skilled way our couples therapist taught us. It can feel impossible at times. It’s not about outsourcing your emotional labor to the tech—it’s about building the skill of language embodiment when you’ve never been shown how to express yourself before.

Now, here’s the problem: cognitive laziness is already rampant, and AI is becoming the perfect crutch for those avoiding discomfort. When clients send me accountability emails clearly written by ChatGPT—with no edits, no soul, just a pasted prompt—it stings a little. Because damn, I give my authenticity to my clients— the least I would expect is a little effort in return, yeah?
Not because I’m upset or anything like that, but because I can feel the absence of intention. And intention matters. Obviously, it’s why so many of us struggle in relationship gridlocks.
Professionals feel it. Partners feel it. People feel it.

What we’re seeing now is the rise of learned helplessness being masked as productivity. People turning to AI not as a tool for practice, but as a full-on replacement for their own executive function, emotional labor, or human skill-building.

That’s when it becomes dangerous.

That’s when we swing the pendulum so far into convenience that we forget how to communicate, how to think, how to care. You don’t know how many days I sit in a fog of overstimulation, overstretched energy, half-finished notes in my phone and I need help catching the thread. That’s what AI does for me. It helps me organize the frequency. Not fabricate it. Before you reach for that diagnostic label. This isn’t ADHD. It’s overload. It’s emotional data. It’s holding too much. Many of us too familiar with this. The fact that I still write, speak, connect, pour—while regulating a nervous system shaped by generational trauma, spiritual awakening, and the weight of collective projection? This isn’t fake work. It’s vulnerable, it's maddening at times, but for me it’s sacred and uncomfortable.

Honestly, ChatGPT came in handy when I needed to use the—(now, don’t judge me, okay? My husband has been deployed all year)—the portable air pump. I took a picture of the device and ChatGPT walked me through the whole process and ya girl, put air in her tires. I was very tickled with myself and now I can confidently use the device without fear of breaking anything.

That’s a big deal for husbands. 😁

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Big Paragraphs and Big Performances

What’s even more ironic is that the same writers who are terrified of being seen as “AI-generated” are now writing in these dense, chunky paragraphs as if that’s the antidote. Y’all, I’ve read academic papers— with more breathing room.

But the truth is, it’s not about the em dash. It’s not even about the formatting. It’s about the behavior.

It’s about fear.

Fear of being accused.

Fear of being copied.

Fear of being invisible, or worse—lumped in with the noise.

So now you’re writing not from the soul, but from a trauma-informed social algorithm that whispers: “Please don’t cancel me. Please don’t mistake me. Please see me as real.”

Can’t we see… This is the performance.

Zoom out, where do we see this same behavior occurring within our own families? Our own relationships?

Now, Let’s Get Clinical

What we’re witnessing is the externalization of self-worth—a core defense pattern in trauma psychology.

Karen Horney called it “the tyranny of the shoulds.”
Carl Rogers warned about the conditions of worth we place on ourselves.
Stephen Porges (Polyvagal Theory) would say our nervous systems are reacting to perceived threat—not of physical danger, but social exclusion.

Now, if you haven’t caught the wave. This isn’t about writing, or policing for AI content —it’s about mindset.

It’s the same mindset that says:

“I can’t trust men.”
“Women only care about money.”
“Everyone’s fake online.”
“There’s no point in dating anymore.”
“AI ruined everything.”
“Everyone Cheats”
“It’s hard to find a good one, you got lucky”

You’re affirming these things into your subconscious.

Every time you say them, your body listens.

Your nervous system adapts.

Your worldview narrows.

This is not discernment. This behavior is a form of mental rehearsal, and what you’re rehearsing is defeat.

When Reflection Turns to Policing

Here’s where it gets dangerous: We start emotionally colonizing other people’s creative decisions. We say:

“Oh, I can tell that was written with AI. Poor thing.”
“Ugh, she still uses em dashes? Cringe.”
“This paragraph spacing? Obviously trying too hard.”
“I miss when writing felt real.”

This behavior is judgment, not discernment. We’ve turned our feeds into little ritual altars of superiority where we offer subtle shade instead of vulnerability.

If You’re Going to Write,

Write.

If I want to leave five spaces between my paragraphs, I will.

If I want to em dash my way through a reflection, I will.

If I want to use AI to map my thoughts, bless it—I will.

I am not writing to prove anything. I am writing to pour something.

Let them say it’s fake. Let them say it’s too much. Let them unsubscribe.

I’m not here for their approval.

Portal moment:

Many of us at home, in our personal realities, we aren’t just editing our sentences—
We’re editing our selves.
For our mother-in-law.
For our parents.
For the “bxxches at work.”
For the “friend” who always has something slick to say.

And if you keep shifting your internal emotional climate based on them?
You’re not living for you anymore. You’re living in reaction, and that’s self-abandonment, love.

When you abandon yourself long enough? Anxiety shows up.
Depression symptoms creep in.
Your skin breaks out.
Your diet’s all over the place.
You can’t sleep.
You scroll like it’s medicine.
You over-function.
You chase fake dopamine.
You burn out trying to fix what never needed fixing—
You just needed nurturing, but baby— you are looking outside of yourself for that.

I see this all the time with clients: They start over-performing at work, not because they love the job, but because they want to be seen. They are in panic child mode, but their boss doesn’t notice.

Why?

Because their boss has never been modeled how to see anyone. Maybe that boss is also struggling with the Same. Thing.

In his/her personal relationships. We don’t know! But one thing I do know—they can’t reflect presence if they’ve never received it.

So what happens?

That unprocessed boss wound?
That lack of relational capacity?
It spills into everything.

That’s probably why they’re single or struggling within their own relationships.
That’s probably why they’re miserable at work.
That’s probably why they micromanage and can’t lead.

And now you’re suffering, because of a contract you never agreed to,
but you internalized anyway and placed onto your boss, mother-in-law, whoever. You expected them to show up as someone they never told you they were.
And now your nervous system is mad, your body is tired, and your soul is shrinking.

I want to guide you back home to yourself. I can only do that by showing up as I am. So you can see what that looks like and practice it for yourself.

The Portal Doesn’t Let Me Perform

This space I’ve built—the Safety to Speak™ Portal doesn’t allow for me to engage in the art of performance. Not if I want to breathe and be well.

And I’ve realized something…

Most people aren’t scared of being judged. They’re scared of being free.

Because freedom means you might lose the tribe. It means you might get misunderstood. It means you don’t get to blame a platform, a trend, or AI.

You just have to be.

Final Reflection: Stay in Your Lane

I’m not perfect. I catch myself trying to tweak for validation.

But the more I notice, the more I return.

Return to breath.

Return to rhythm.

Return to me.

I’m not allowing influencers, comments from the mob, AI paranoia, or trend-chasing behavior rob me of my punctuation, my cadence, or my presence.

If someone reads this, I want them to know:

Use the em dash.

Write weird.

Be long-winded.

Be clipped.

Write like you talk.

Talk like you think.

Think like you trust your damn self.

Try This On:

Sometimes I catch myself before I hit publish or post or even speak out loud and I wonder—“Can I say that on here?”
“What are the rules?”
“Is this allowed?”

Especially in the world of the internet, where the lines between professionalism and personal reflection get blurry, I’ve had to ask myself:
What’s the worst that could happen?And if the answer to that question is about what someone else might feel or think—then I move forward for me.
Because that’s not my business.

If I’m being respectful, if I’m honoring my ethics, if I’m in alignment with my values—whether I’m in session, on Substack, on Instagram, or on a walk with my dog—I have to remember that people are going to make whatever I say mean whatever they need it to mean. And I can’t carry the full-time job of trying to emotionally protect everyone from their own projections. I already have a full load. So do majority of us.

So here’s a tool. The next time you feel yourself shrinking, people-pleasing, over-accommodating, over-performing, or second-guessing yourself because of how someone might perceive you…

Ask yourself:

“Are they just going to be upset?”
“Are they just going to get a little booty tickled?”

Okay then.
Let them be.

Because if all they’re going to do is feel something, then that’s their process—not yours to manage. Maybe the real work of learning how to be yourself isn’t just about finding the courage to speak, but about learning to sit in the discomfort of the consequences that follow— peoples responses.

That discomfort?
It’s often cognitive dissonance—the psychological tension that shows up when your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors no longer align. It’s the internal “itch” that happens when you’re doing something new or saying something honest that bumps up against who you used to be, or who people expect you to be.

So here’s what I want you to do:

When that guilt or tension rises?
Don’t run from it.
Don’t escape it.
And please don’t analyze yourself into paralysis.

Instead:
Go stare at the sky.
Go touch some grass.
Go walk in silence.
Put on some frequency tones and breathe.
Let the feeling rise without labeling it as wrong.
And still—choose you.

Move forward being yourself and use the bloody em dash.

Always. 🫶🏽

If you made it this far—congrats!! You clearly resonate with this frequency I’m on.

So let me peel back the curtain just a bit and let you know what’s happening in my world. I’m currently entering Q4 of this wild, sacred, exhausting, expansive year… and gearing up for my husband’s soon arrival after what has felt like the full year of deployment. (!!!) His return is just around the corner, and I’m equal parts excited, nervous, and trying to remember how to cook real meals again. Shh don’t tell…

On the work front, I’m in a major transition. After years of in-person private practice work. I’m in the middle of building something I’ve never done before, something I’m really excited about. I’m stepping into a new chapter of my work that blends education, content creation, and clinical care. I’m creating intensive-style digital spaces for people who may not have access to consistent therapy but still crave the tools, language, and nervous system support to move forward.

At the same time, I’m expanding into the clinical education world—consulting spaces, and support for both licensed clinicians and those preparing to enter the field. This is great for me as the plan eventually is to shift focus to a more clinical supervision role once we make our way back to our home state of California.

All of this is new. All of this is stretching me.
And truthfully? It’s been pushing hard on my perfectionism wound, but I’m learning to build while being seen. To grow without over performing. And to trust that what’s unfolding is aligned, even if it’s not polished yet.

This. Is. Hard. For. Me.

Going fully virtual in the new year. Losing that external structure feels a little naked. So in many ways, I’m learning how to walk again. This time it’s barefoot, on sacred ground I built for myself— and with an audience. 😅

I didn’t anticipate this level of community growth or visibility online, let alone this quick. I really didn’t. But I do feel as though I’m being asked to show up. I have some things in the works…

If you’ve been here quietly watching, thank you.
If you’re new, welcome to the corner.

I’m just over here, rebuilding structure, softening patterns, and learning how to stretch into this next season with less fear, more truth, and lots of em dashes.

-Sav

Reference List

Beck, A.T., Freeman, A., & Davis, D.D. (2004). Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders. Guilford Press.
Burns, D. (1989). The Feeling Good Handbook. Plume Books.
Horney, K. (1950). Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization. Norton & Company.
Rogers, C.R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
Lerner, H. (1989). The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman’s Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships. Harper & Row.

The Safety to Speak™