This Is The Divorce...

How my Activated Survival Self (A.S.S.) finally got served its papers

As I type from my own nervous system activation, I decide to write to shed a little of what I am carrying and explain how this might not be the letter you think it is.

You see, being married into a Punjabi family is one thing, but being around cultures that have gaslighting built into them is a completely different experience. I knew the moment I met my husband; I sat on my bed saying, “Something feels too good to be true.” My husband is a great man, a gift from the universe. Fast forward eight years later: the mother wound enters our home, and the “people pleaser” I had retired came back for an encore.

I am no stranger to narcissistic abuse. I believe I fell into psychology because I was a “why” kid. My whole life, I was manipulated to believe that I was the manipulator. I was the “crazy” one. “It’s all in your head,” they said. Eventually, I realized: no—I was the childhood reflection of the life my mother could have chosen but didn’t. I was the glimpse into a life she could have had, if only she had found the courage to walk away from those who mistreated her.

Now, I am not here to smear anyone, but I damn sure won’t be silent. Working in El Paso has placed me in a pressure cooker of wanting to flip a f*cking table. The amount of avoidance, emotional abuse, and gaslighting that occurs in this city is staggering. Especially in the work place. The amount of fear people have just to speak is palpable; so many walk on eggshells here the workplace, even in their own businesses around their own employees.

I try to sit with this pressure. What is the lesson here? My window of tolerance has been stretched. The same avoidance I see within the dynamics of clients, peers, and even colleagues is now facing me front and center in my own living room.

My mother-in-law.